12.03.08
NATE CAIYA KIERAN
Everyday I think about my kids and how we are not all together. I wanted all my children so badly. I loved them while they were inside me. I ate healthy food sang to them talked to them. I loved cuddling them and putting their tiny socks on. I think about their little hands and little feet and the enormous hugs every single day.
I distract myself from reality. I try to remember the goodtimes. However they make me cry.
We are not all together. Nate is with me. Nate and I have been traumatized but we are together.
The twins are lost in a sea. The twins have each other but not their mother or brother.
Incomplete.
 Telephone
"Mommy....I wish for angels to come and get me and bring me to you so we can watch tv together."
"Mommy why is daddy so mean?"
"I do not know why sweetie."
endless tears
hiding in the car
"MOMMY don't make me go please!"
hugging so tight her fingers turned white
temper tantrums when short visits were over
endless fits
hugs and tears
I would drop them off and cry all the way home
endless crying
Baseball
"All i want is my baseball hat and tshirt for baseball photos."
"Sorry daddy will not take the time to find your things honey."
Daddy calls police on Mommy because mommy and Kieran need baseball items for photos and Mommy stands her ground locked in her car in the driveway. Daddy honks. Kieran and Mommy in the car are scared and crying. Police come to car window and scare mommy and Kieran and ask what is wrong.
"We just want Kierans baseball things for pictures."
Daddy tells police he can not find items. Police do not believe daddy and make him go inside and find items.
items found
Caiya tells teacher that she likes watching tv on the couch with her brother and us all snuggled together.
Teacher assumes that information to mean that something sexual is going on and reports Nate to DSS.
endless DSS false accusations
big brother now feels ashamed for no reason
childhood lost
brothers and sister torn apart families wrecked
A childhood of being brother and sister they will never know.
My kids do not understand what a mother is as their father has not allowed me to be a mother to them since age 3.
Kieran is put on meds for outbursts.
 WHAT HAPPENED??????? QUICK SUMMARY...well as quick as 7 years can be
I will post my divorce papers and outline at some point. For now this is all I can bear to speak of.
The court case cost over $20 thousand dollars on my part and over 7 years of our lives.
Judge Denise Meagher of Worcester County heard my divorce case.
She appointed a psychologist to our case. We met for an hour and a half. He recommended I have custody of the children as Sean seems to not understand the children and that his girlfriend Crystal Clark seems to be a mother to him instead of a girlfriend or a lover.
The psychologist also says that Sean is doing things that are detremental to the children and that he thinks I have their best interests at heart.
Court appoints a Guardian Ad Litem.
Guardian Ad Litem meets with my family and Sean's. GAL recommends to Judge Meagher that I have full custody of the kids and Sean visits them on weekends.
Sean and his attorney Marc Bellerose do not like the GAL's recommendation. They request a "special GAL". CRAZY ALERT>>>Marc Bellerose Seans attorney in court says that my mother could have possibly slept with and had an affair with the GAL. My mother knew of the GAL in high school they were not friends and had not seen or talked to eachother since highschool. My parents have been married for over 35 years. Judge Meagher allows Marc Bellerose to continue with ridiculous slandourous accusations. Basically saying my mother and I slept with the GAL to get the results that we wanted.
Marc Bellerose picks a new "special GAL".
Special GAL advises the court that she agrees with the first GAL's recommendation in that I should have full custody of the kids and Sean should have visitation.
Judge Meagher hears a week long trial with all court appointed experts advising her that I should have full custody. She rules otherwise. We had been going thru this for 7 years and she ruled against all professional court appointed opinions as well as not listening or even asking the kids what they wanted. I had been telling my kids just keep hoping and know that Mommy is trying.
 Judge Meagher writes in her ruling that the court finds that I love my children. Oh thank you Judge I am so happy you have realized that I love my children....note sarcasm.. She rules "joint custody". However Sean Wertheim and his ex-felon girlfriend Crystal Clark get to have the kids live with them and I had them every weekend.
Sean is ordered to drive part of the time to visits. For seven years I drove the hour there and the hour back he would not drive at all. He would get to my house an hour early then leave without dropping the kids off. I pull in the driveway and the kids later tell me
"Mommy we saw you pulling in the driveway and daddy just drove off and would not let us out of the car"
"Mommy sometimes when you come to pick us up we are in the house and Daddy will not let us out to go on our visit"
DSS calls my house at least once a week with a slew of different accusations. Seans mother Linda Coolen ( who I will devote a whole page of writing to at some point and link to at some point) worked in the school system and had a way of manipulating the system to her liking.
Linda Coolen short history: Linda had a few husbands. Two have died. Her current husband has been accused by his daughter and ex wife of sexual abuse. One husband was a pot dealer. Linda told myself and Sean her son that she was a cocaine addict. Linda also knew that Sean was a pot dealer and bought pot off of her son. Had foster children as well as International students in her house for money. Had a foster child put away into a mental institution for life at age 7. Has a daughter who moved clear across the country from her. Also told my parents not to mention my name around the children as it upset them. Also told the children to call her Mommy.
Nate is getting accused of a million different things. I am getting accused of a million different things. Everything is escalating.
Sean has threatened me before as well as pushed a tv onto me and as things were getting tense around Nate and the twins I decided I needed to move far away.
I could not live with myself putting the kids in the middle any longer. Seeing them being torn apart from me every weekend and making Nate go thru endless DSS interviews and accusations. I was scared for my life as well as the twins and especially Nates. Sean was Nates only father for 7 years before the twins came and now he was in court accusing Nate of doing awful things to the twins. Sean has never called Nate sent Nate a card or even asked or showed any concern about how Nate was doing or how this whole thing affected him.
We left.
While we were gone Sean had a court date. I wrote the Judge and asked for visits on holidays telephone calls and webcam visits. Without me there and over 7 years of being in front of her begging and crying and pleading for my children,
Judge Denise Meagher gave Sean Wertheim full custody,
according to a friend who was opening my mail. I still have not seen any court ruling as I moved and my "friend" did not forward me my mail as he indicated that he would.
Sean will not discuss any holiday visits with myself. I bought them a webcam and Sean will not set it up for them. I had to beg the twins psychologist to tell Sean to allow me phone calls.
Sean ignores my emails for over a year. Sean never has let me know about school events or let me know how they are doing. In the 7 years since this started he sent me 2-3 school photo packets that I had paid for. That is it.
 The twins call me and cry. I call them and cry. I talked to a therapist once. He said you can not change somethings. Those things that are painful to you you need to put into a box in your head tie it up with a bow and force yourself to not think about it.
How does one not think about their own flesh and blood?
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